victoriagreenleaf

First, you need to know something: you are the perfect size. Yes, YOU, darling. You’re also the perfect height, weight, shape and age.

If you already know this about yourself, great! We’re well on our way. If you don’t know this about yourself yet, try it on. Entertain the thought, or at least ask it in for coffee. What if, in this wonderfully diverse world with its myriad tastes and concepts of beauty, you were the perfect blend? What if you were the gold standard; the ideal? Well, why not? If you’re still resisting the idea, please realize that the sad, anxious, discomfited “reasons” as to why not exist only in your head. Honestly. I know many people hold on to insults and demeaning comments that were inflicted on them by someone even more sad, anxious and discomfited, and even believe them. Let them go. They have nothing to do with you, and everything to do with the person who spoke them.

Okay, even if you can’t quite say “I’m perfect” and mean it yet, at least think of your size, height, weight, shape and age as Right. It’s important that you think of yourself as right when you try on clothes. Too many people, especially women, think of their bodies as wrong and the garments as right, so it’s an important distinction. If you try on a pair of jeans that don’t fit, I don’t ever want to hear you say, “My ass is too big for these jeans”. No!! Your ass is perfect (or at least right); the jeans are simply the wrong size. You: right. Jeans: wrong. Got it?

And of course there are going to be clothes that flatter you more than others. Of course there are going to cuts, fabrics, patterns and trends that simply won’t work for you. Gisele Bundchen doesn’t look good in everything, either. Really. She knows what works for her. You’ll learn what works for you, too.

You owe it to yourself to celebrate your unique perfection. “Who is it that says most, which can say more than this rich praise: that you alone are you“? Let it show…let it shine…let it evolve as you do. Make yourself your own favorite project, and take joy in your creation.

Next: What to Wear, What to Not, and Why

Style is not fashion. Style is not wealth, or even beauty. It’s much more than that.

Quentin Crisp said “fashion is what you adopt when you don’t know who you are”, and I think he was right. Nice clothes are great, but there’s never been a Chanel suit or Birkin bag born that could substitute for actual style. Wealth can’t buy it, either — there are too many examples of billionaire train-wrecks to mention (Trump; any Kardashian, etc.). And although it’s been said that a pretty face can open any door, that’s not quite true. Besides, many of those doors lead to places you really wouldn’t want to go.

Style is something you build, using facets of your own character. It shows, at a glance, how you feel about yourself and the rest of the world.

You communicate something about your self-image every day. You can’t help it. It shows in your posture, gait, body language and facial expression. It can be heard in the timbre of your voice, and the words you use. Even if you hide in your apartment all day and come out only to walk the dog, passers-by will see if you’re shuffling or striding; slouching or standing tall. Even if you have your groceries delivered because you don’t want to shop for your own endive, quinoa and gluten-free toaster waffles, the store clerk on the phone can tell a lot about you by the sound of your voice and your vocabulary. And you’d better believe that your dog has already figured out whether you’re an alpha or a beta. Dogs are even better at that than humans.

Face it: you can’t hide. You’re going to be judged by your appearance. And, in advance, if anyone wants to argue with me that we shouldn’t judge each other by appearances, or that you — saintly soul that you are — would never judge anyone based on their appearance, please…Just. Spare. Me. Really. Humans are hardwired to make snap judgments about each other based on just that. That’s one of the reasons we’ve survived, thrived and become prolific on the Earth. Tell me, who would you choose to talk to at a party: that smiling person who moves, talks and looks as if they respect themselves and everyone else, or the one folded into a corner of the sofa with their crocs on the coffee table, frowning and staring into their phone? If you chose the second one, well…you’re truly a breed apart, and good luck with that.

Style is not fashion, wealth or beauty. Style is not difficult, either. It takes some thought and effort, yes, but it can only add to your life. In the end, you have only one thing to offer the world that no one else can give: yourself. Why not give the best possible version?

Next: What to Know